Saturday, September 27, 2008

sorry it's been so long...

i didn't mean to wait forever to make another post. but let me update you! so, i went out with marcus (he was an hour and a half late- go figure!) and it was sooo nice to get out of the house...even if it was for only about 2 or 3 hours!! but yeah...we got a chance to talk a little bit. he was telling me his usual issue with how he needs to be single for a while after being with lauren for sooo long. i totally understand that point of view. sometimes you just feel like you're being dragged through the mud and you want to get up, dust yourself off, and run away as fast as you can. it's like trying to climb a ladder and someone is pulling your pant leg so you can't go any further. it' such a hassle....anyways, we started talking about why we didn't end up together (again) and he was telling me "you don't wanna be with me...i'm a sick person...real sick." that kind of scared me, but i was like, hello, i've only known you for almost 3 years. i'm sure i know enough about you to know that you have as much fun as you can without caring too much about anyone or anything. he's not "sick" he's just a young, hot guy who wants to live life to the fullest. if he's gotta make a few mistakes along the way, then so be it!! ugh...that boy frustrates me sooo much! anywho....so i gave him the letter i wrote him. he was trying to read it before he left, but i wouldn't let him. omg....so elementary school!! lol but i didn't want to feel like an ass, especially after we just got done talking about that whole situation. but i talked to him for a couple minutes the next day and he said it was a sweet letter. but we didn't really go into it, so i don't really know what he has to say about it. i haven't had the chance to talk to him since then....i hate his work schedule, because if i don't call him in the morning, i won't get the chance to talk to him. it really sucks. i just want to get everything off my chest...it's a lot of build up to keep inside. sometimes i just want to take him by the shoulders and say "dammit listen to me for five minutes!!!" lol but you know, i'd be a total psycho if i did that! lol it's ok...i've waited this long to talk to him and i can wait a little longer until he's ready to listen to what i have to say. wow...drama.

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